Nano Breaker - PlayStation 2

I rolled my eyes so much throughout the course of this miserable release that I should probably be fitted for contact lenses.

Video games should never deliver the feeling that someone has run over your puppy with a truck. Thanks to Nano Breaker, I now know what that feels like. Castlevania: Lament of Innocence creator Koji Igarashi can be applauded for the conceptual idea of allowing players to customize their combos and build longer, more complex strings as the game progresses.

At the same time, however, you have to wonder how a game that is riddled with so many flaws actually made it off of the development floor.

Even the thickest fogging that video games can provide can't hide the fact that the level designs are atrocious, the texturing resembles the smear on a baby's dirty diaper, and the Liquid (blood) effects that gush like geysers from enemies are just too ridiculous to be taken seriously.

As painful as it is to look at, playing this game is like running naked through a thorn-infested briar. Not only will you find yourself combating the same foes for hours on end, the boss battles demand exhaustively repetitive techniques, the platforming exercises are incredibly sloppy, checkpoints are too infrequent, and you'll even have to endure some of the most asinine box puzzles to date.

Descending to the bottom of the video game barrel, then busting through it and plummeting at great speeds toward Hell, Nano Breaker also falters in epic ways in the storytelling department. So let me get this straight, the government is working on top secret nanotechnology on Nanotechnology Island. This is really the setting of the game? You gotta be kidding me!

The combo system is definitely cool, and the controls are fashioned nicely, but the remainder of the game is just downright appalling.